Saturday, November 30, 2013

What i did all night and all day.

This is how my night and day went. Every time my phone vibrated and it wasn't you. Every time i texted with no response. Every time i called and no one picked up.


I can't lose him

I'm terrified. I'm so scared that this is going to be it. That I've pushed too far. I know I gave an ultimatum and I know it was in the heat of the moment but I said what I meant because life has sucked recently because of all of this. But I cannot lose him. He's all I have. He is all that makes me happy. I can't sleep without him being the last person I talk to. I can't function at all with the unknown. I miss him all day any time he isn't with me already so I don't know what I would do. If he leaves, I would have no one to talk to. He is the only person i talk to on a regular basis. He's the only person who will listen to all of my problems and not tell me they're stupid. He just accepts me. He's the only person i can think of talking to about my day. When something happens he's the one i want to tell. He holds me when i cry…and i cry a lot. He consoles me. He comforts me. He'll fight with me when i just need someone to do that. He loves me even though i can be a total bitch. I fight with him about our relationship and for our relationship because I want it to work. I want it to last forever. But why do we have to deal with somebody whose desire is to tear us apart. Why would you want to be around someone who does not approve of the woman you love. I can't think of the next minute, hour, week, month, or year and not invasion him there. He has to be there. With me. I don't know what I would do if that changed. I can't go through losing him and missing him. I truly, honestly, do not think i would make it. He is my everything at this point. He's my future. I don't know what to do.

Please don't leave me. Please choose us. Please make us work. Please. I love you.
























Thursday, November 14, 2013

issues



https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/living-with-social-anxiety

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Basically what I've been saying for a month

Really read the words 

Brave 
by Sara Bareilles 

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, stop holding your tongue
Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
See you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you