the feelings are still there

--Do you ever sit and think.. what if? What if you never said the first hello? What if our paths never crossed? What if you kept your mouth shut and just let things pass, or what if you would have said just one more thing? What if you had five more minutes? What if you could turn back time or make it all just stand still? What if you could say I love you one more time or NEVER had said it at all? Where would your life be?
--

You don't get to be mad at me. I have always been there for you. I have gone out of my way for you over and over again. Do you do the same for me? No. Never. And yet I keep my mouth shut and say nothing about it. I am not in any way trying to say I'm perfect. But I honestly believe I have done everything I am capable of doing, to keep you in my life. The more I tried to keep you, the more you push...ed me away. I have been more understanding and forgiving with you, than I was ever capable of being with anyone else. I have literally put myself through emotional hell for you. I'm not blaming you for this, because I chose that. I chose to allow you to walk all over me without ever saying a word. I did that because I wanted you in my life so badly. But you don't get to be angry with me because I've finally decided that I can't take it anymore. I can't be the only one trying. It hurts too much. But apparently you don't understand that. I care about you so much. You will always be on my mind. But I don't know if I've ever actually been on yours, and I can't be second best anymore. I'm tired of being second best to everyone. Especially you. So I'm letting this go. Never thought I'd say that, did you? I have to. I have to let this go because I'm not strong enough to handle it anymore. If you want me in my life, you need to prove it to me.

--You're the only person that ever made me feel anything, really feel. Even if it wasn't always the best feelings, you're the only one who could make me smile or tear me down in three seconds flat. You're the only person that can drive me crazy, in both a good and bad way. You're the only person that ever made me feel like I didn't have to try so hard. I just wish you knew I still have feelings for you, and I wish you would do something about it.
--I am just so sick and tired of this. I want to be alright without you. I want to be able to go a month, a week, an hour without thinking of you. All I wonder is why it is you don't care at all anymore. I am just so sick and tired of needing you in my life knowing that you only make me sad.