life happens

the feelings are still there

--Do you ever sit and think.. what if? What if you never said the first hello? What if our paths never crossed? What if you kept your mouth shut and just let things pass, or what if you would have said just one more thing? What if you had five more minutes? What if you could turn back time or make it all just stand still? What if you could say I love you one more time or NEVER had said it at all? Where would your life be?
--

You don't get to be mad at me. I have always been there for you. I have gone out of my way for you over and over again. Do you do the same for me? No. Never. And yet I keep my mouth shut and say nothing about it. I am not in any way trying to say I'm perfect. But I honestly believe I have done everything I am capable of doing, to keep you in my life. The more I tried to keep you, the more you push...ed me away. I have been more understanding and forgiving with you, than I was ever capable of being with anyone else. I have literally put myself through emotional hell for you. I'm not blaming you for this, because I chose that. I chose to allow you to walk all over me without ever saying a word. I did that because I wanted you in my life so badly. But you don't get to be angry with me because I've finally decided that I can't take it anymore. I can't be the only one trying. It hurts too much. But apparently you don't understand that. I care about you so much. You will always be on my mind. But I don't know if I've ever actually been on yours, and I can't be second best anymore. I'm tired of being second best to everyone. Especially you. So I'm letting this go. Never thought I'd say that, did you? I have to. I have to let this go because I'm not strong enough to handle it anymore. If you want me in my life, you need to prove it to me.

--You're the only person that ever made me feel anything, really feel. Even if it wasn't always the best feelings, you're the only one who could make me smile or tear me down in three seconds flat. You're the only person that can drive me crazy, in both a good and bad way. You're the only person that ever made me feel like I didn't have to try so hard. I just wish you knew I still have feelings for you, and I wish you would do something about it.
--I am just so sick and tired of this. I want to be alright without you. I want to be able to go a month, a week, an hour without thinking of you. All I wonder is why it is you don't care at all anymore. I am just so sick and tired of needing you in my life knowing that you only make me sad.

nobody, not even the people closest to me know exactly how low i got. here is a little glimpse into the last 2 years of my life

I can't stop thinking what would have happened of we didn't give up on each other

-- nobody ever saw you like I did and you know where that got me? Looking like an idiot when I couldnt let you go.
-- sometimes I lay in bed remembering our conversations and imagining what I should have said instead.
-- he may not be the most attractive guy out there. He may not be the smartest, or the most well dressed. But he has my heart and I love him exactly the way he is. He makes mistakes I know. He's not perfect and I don't expect him to be. But in my yes he's everything.
-- I'm just so sick and tired of this. I want to be alright without you. I want I be able to go a month, a week, an hour without thinking of you. All I wonder is why you don't care at all anymore. I am just so sick and tired of needing you in my life knowing that you only make me sad
-- I just want to know if you meant everything you said. I don't want you back, I don't want an apology. I just want the truth. I want I know if what we had was even worth fighting for in the first place. I want to know if I cross your mind. I want to know I you realize just how much you messed up.
-- as you move on, remember me. Remember us and all we used to be.
-- and when I read all our conversations, the memories flow through my mind like a gentle stream if water. It kills me I relive those once happy moments.
-- unlike him, I just can't walk away. It's not that easy for me to just let go I guess unlike him, it actually mattered to me
-- constantly looking for the slightest signs that show that you miss what you left behind...me
-- without me. You pushed me off the ride, but you hoped I wouldn't fall in this deep out inside. But it's bottomless and too late without a light that could go by the name of you.
-- everyday I'm going to get up as live. I'm going to breathe, laugh, and smile. And maybe one day I'll have a reason too.
-- I need to stop thinking so much because thinking just makes it hurt all over again.
-- you didn't lie. You just beat around the truth with these nice cryptic words.




forgive me. I've lost my faith in you. But you've done this to yourself

Trust me, I know how it feels. I know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower, so no one can hear you, and waiting for everyone to be asleep so you can fall apart, for everything to hurt so bad you just want it all to end. I know exactly how it feels.

--even though you turned out to be an asshole, you were the only person who really gave a fuck about me. or atleast i thought you did..and maybe thats why its so hard to completely get over you. it all turned out to be a lie, but that just makes it harder to let go. i just need that guy back that sent me "good morning beautiful" texts. i miss the guy that wouldn't let me get away without saying "i'm fine" because he knew me enough to know i'm not. the guy that i trusted with everything and anything. the only guy i ever completely let in. the guy that would tell me he's not worth the tears when he would make me cry. the guy who drove me crazy, but i wouldn't want it any other way. the guy who meant the world to me...until one day he just left.
--even though i like you, infront of you i pretend i dont. even though im hurt, i pretend that i'm fine. even though i fully know everything, i pretend that i don't know anything. even though i miss you, i pretend that i feel nothing. even though i still haven't moved on or let go, i pretend that i have. even though i cry, i pretend that im happy and smile.
--if you really knew me, you would know that i loved my ex boyfriend with everything i have, and after all this time, i still can't completely let it go. you would know that i still blame everything that happened between him and me entirely on myself, and sometimes the weight is more than i can bear. if you really knew me, you would know to look past the smile because i am hardly ever a happy person.
--Have you ever laid on your bed at night, and just cried? Cried because you're ugly. Because you're not good enough. You counted all your flaws from head to toe, to punish and feel worse about yourself. Cried because the comments people blurt out, actually hurt your feelings. You don't want to be a burden, so you bottled it all up. Around people, you're the happiest ray of sun shine. But nobody knows, that at night when you're alone, you break down and just cry.
--Everyone has that person that they go back to. Each time, they swear it's different, and they're done for good. But they aren't. They wish they were, but the things is, they can't be. Because that person they keep going back to, they can't be completely happy without them.
--Can't you just accept that I'm happy? Yeah, you had me, but you don't anymore. And I've finally found that I can do fine without you. So why are you around here again trying to remind me that I can't?
--It's 2 AM and she's lying on her bed staring at the ceiling. All these thoughts in her head, just so confused. Doesn't know what to do. In need of someone to talk to. But doesn't know who. So she just lies there. Her eyes fixed on the ceiling, with her headphones blaring. But nothing she's hearing.
--Don't worry, he'll miss you. He screwed up and you did absolutely nothing wrong. He failed. He's not smart enough. If he was smart, he would have realized what he was saying goodbye to. But he didn't, and now he's gone. Don't call him telling him you miss him. You don't miss him, you miss what you used to be. Right now you're waiting for someone to prove to you, that you don't need him. I promise ...that person is right around the corner, but you have to let go of him and his bullshit first. He'll be back one day, it will be him calling you saying he misses you every night. He'll have his friends ask you if you still care about him. It will be your turn to just say, fuck you, you had me and you messed it all up. For now, find every reason to be happy without him because you deserve it.
--I say I'm over him but am I really? Of course not, he was the boy that I got butterflies in my stomach when I saw him. The boy I waited for to come online, the boy that if he smiled at me, nothing else could bring me down. But he is also the boy that didn't love me back. So if anyone asks, I'll just say, "Oh him? He was nothing." When he was everything and more.
--It's been a tough year. For all it's worth, I still keep your phone number at the bottom of my purse between the sticks of gum and the reasons why I don't call anymore, just in case you change your mind.
--I'm done pretending, so here goes; No, I'm not okay with the fact that you broke my heart. No, I'm not okay with that fact we don't even talk anymore, and to top it all off - no I'm not okay with the fact that I fell for you in the first place.
--

You know that feeling when you're just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day, that feeling of both relief and desperation? Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you're tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay, but no one's going t...o be there, and you know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you. But you're tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won't be, but you're still hoping and you're still wishing and you're still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes.

--I’m in love with you, kid. Even when you make me sob at 2 in the morning. Even when I want to punch you in the face. I love you, boy. It’s stupid and ridiculous, and I don’t even know why, but it’s true. Nobody gets it. Nobody understands. They all tell me that you’re a douchebag, and you’re not worth my time, my tears, my love. And sometimes, I agree. Sometimes I want nothing more than to hate you. But I just can’t fucking do it. Because, I’m sorry to say, I love every single thing about your dumb ass.
--I used to be the strong one, I never let anyone break me down, but then you came around & now I can't even remember the last time I feel asleep with dry eyes. It's like I'm constantly holding back tears & I don't know this girl, this isn't me.

i can't stop loving you

You make me sick. love sick. If only you knew everytime i see you, i speechless. breathless. whenever i have the chance to see you, i take it in an instant. If you only knew how often i thought of you, you'd be blown away. If you knew that i compare everyone i come across to you, you'd be blushing. But if you knew how bad you hurt my heart, and how whenever i see you i just want to break down and cry, you would feel so guilty. That someone so "special" to you has to feel this unbearable pain. Even worse, that you're the person causing it. If you love someone you would be willing to give up everything for them, but if they loved you back, they'd never ask you to. When it comes to wishes and dreaming i know what i want. But what if what i want, is something i can't have? I am 110% sure that i want you. I want you in my life so bad. and you know why? Because you make me so happy. And when i met you i felt like i had known you forever and nothing else mattered. But then you punched out of my life, like the end of a days work. I know i want you here next to me, but thats just not gonna happen. So why wish and dream, if we know we're just wasting our time? You only find a few people in this world. A few people who will tell you they love you and mean it with all their heart. Dont forget those people who stood by you through it all. The special few that were there for you til the end.

Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there, because you can't remember a time in your life when it wasn't. But then one day you feel something else. Something that feels wrong. Only because it's so unfamiliar. And in that moment you realize....you're happy. If i would have known my heart would break, i would have loved you anyway. Love is when you find someone who is your best friend, and you can be yourself around them. It's when words can't come close to how you feel. It's when you know you're supposed to be together, and if you have to wait forever... you will

Babe, you're my everything. No matter how many time i'm told "he's not worth it", and no matter how many times we argue over nothing, you're worth it, and you're my absolute everything.

too much saddness for the moment. need some fun quotes

-- when we drink, we get drunk. when we get drunk, we fall asleep. when we fall asleep, we commit no sin. when we commit no sin, we go to heaven. so lets all get drunk and go to heaven.
-- time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time
-- reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol
--when life hands you lemons....bust out the tequila and salt
--you're not drunk if you can lay on the floor without holding on