--even though you turned out to be an asshole, you were the only person who really gave a fuck about me. or atleast i thought you did..and maybe thats why its so hard to completely get over you. it all turned out to be a lie, but that just makes it harder to let go. i just need that guy back that sent me "good morning beautiful" texts. i miss the guy that wouldn't let me get away without saying "i'm fine" because he knew me enough to know i'm not. the guy that i trusted with everything and anything. the only guy i ever completely let in. the guy that would tell me he's not worth the tears when he would make me cry. the guy who drove me crazy, but i wouldn't want it any other way. the guy who meant the world to me...until one day he just left.
--even though i like you, infront of you i pretend i dont. even though im hurt, i pretend that i'm fine. even though i fully know everything, i pretend that i don't know anything. even though i miss you, i pretend that i feel nothing. even though i still haven't moved on or let go, i pretend that i have. even though i cry, i pretend that im happy and smile.
--if you really knew me, you would know that i loved my ex boyfriend with everything i have, and after all this time, i still can't completely let it go. you would know that i still blame everything that happened between him and me entirely on myself, and sometimes the weight is more than i can bear. if you really knew me, you would know to look past the smile because i am hardly ever a happy person.
--
Have you ever laid on your bed at night, and just cried? Cried because you're ugly. Because you're not good enough. You counted all your flaws from head to toe, to punish and feel worse about yourself. Cried because the comments people blurt out, actually hurt your feelings. You don't want to be a burden, so you bottled it all up. Around people, you're the happiest ray of sun shine. But nobody knows, that at night when you're alone, you break down and just cry.
--Everyone has that person that they go back to. Each time, they swear it's different, and they're done for good. But they aren't. They wish they were, but the things is, they can't be. Because that person they keep going back to, they can't be completely happy without them.
--Can't you just accept that I'm happy? Yeah, you had me, but you don't anymore. And I've finally found that I can do fine without you. So why are you around here again trying to remind me that I can't?
--It's 2 AM and she's lying on her bed staring at the ceiling. All these thoughts in her head, just so confused. Doesn't know what to do. In need of someone to talk to. But doesn't know who. So she just lies there. Her eyes fixed on the ceiling, with her headphones blaring. But nothing she's hearing.
--Don't worry, he'll miss you. He screwed up and you did absolutely nothing wrong. He failed. He's not smart enough. If he was smart, he would have realized what he was saying goodbye to. But he didn't, and now he's gone. Don't call him telling him you miss him. You don't miss him, you miss what you used to be. Right now you're waiting for someone to prove to you, that you don't need him. I promise ...that person is right around the corner, but you have to let go of him and his bullshit first. He'll be back one day, it will be him calling you saying he misses you every night. He'll have his friends ask you if you still care about him. It will be your turn to just say, fuck you, you had me and you messed it all up. For now, find every reason to be happy without him because you deserve it.
--I say I'm over him but am I really? Of course not, he was the boy that I got butterflies in my stomach when I saw him. The boy I waited for to come online, the boy that if he smiled at me, nothing else could bring me down. But he is also the boy that didn't love me back. So if anyone asks, I'll just say, "Oh him? He was nothing." When he was everything and more.
--It's been a tough year. For all it's worth, I still keep your phone number at the bottom of my purse between the sticks of gum and the reasons why I don't call anymore, just in case you change your mind.
--I'm done pretending, so here goes; No, I'm not okay with the fact that you broke my heart. No, I'm not okay with that fact we don't even talk anymore, and to top it all off - no I'm not okay with the fact that I fell for you in the first place.
--
You know that feeling when you're just waiting, waiting to get home into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day, that feeling of both relief and desperation? Nothing is wrong, but nothing is right either, and you're tired, tired of everything, tired of nothing, and you just want someone to be there and tell you it's okay, but no one's going t...o be there, and you know you have to be strong for yourself because no one can fix you. But you're tired of waiting, tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else, tired of being strong, and for once, you just want it to be easy, to be simple, to be helped, to be saved, but you know you won't be, but you're still hoping and you're still wishing and you're still staying strong and fighting with tears in your eyes.
--
I’m in love with you, kid. Even when you make me sob at 2 in the morning. Even when I want to punch you in the face. I love you, boy. It’s stupid and ridiculous, and I don’t even know why, but it’s true. Nobody gets it. Nobody understands. They all tell me that you’re a douchebag, and you’re not worth my time, my tears, my love. And sometimes, I agree. Sometimes I want nothing more than to hate you. But I just can’t fucking do it. Because, I’m sorry to say, I love every single thing about your dumb ass.
--I used to be the strong one, I never let anyone break me down, but then you came around & now I can't even remember the last time I feel asleep with dry eyes. It's like I'm constantly holding back tears & I don't know this girl, this isn't me.
