I want you to know, if you ever read this, there was a time when I would rather have had you by my side than any one of these words; I would rather have had you by my side than all the blue in the world.

--I had a fantasy. I liked to imagine that one day I'd look across the tables, and see you. Sitting there with your wife, perhaps some kids. You wouldn't say anything to me, or me to you, but we'd both know..that you'd made it. That you were happy.
--There is a particular kind of suffering to be experienced when you love something greater than yourself. A tender sacrifice. Like the pained silence in the lost song of a mermaid; or the bent and broken feet of a dancing ballerina. It is in every considered step I take in the opposite direction of you.
--If we were to vocalize our worth to one another, all i can recall was being a message sent between classes, an extended arm for a brief hug, an intoxicated phone call at 2 am, and a desolate bed with a starving heart. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful, but you meant everything to me. And so, i wonder if that was all i ever was to you.
--I am convinced that there exists a mechanism behind your lips that siphons every last ounce of air from my lungs when they stretch into a smile.
--Closure. Like time suspended, a wound unmended-you and i. We had no ending, no said goodbye; for all my life, i'll wonder why.
--At some point you will realize that you have done too much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is to stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It's not like you're giving up, and it's not like you shouldn't try. It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What is truly yours will eventually be yours, and what is not, no matter how hard you try, will never be.
--He didn't break my heart- no, i thought he did, and i wrote these stories to try and convince myself, but that would be giving him too much credit. At best, he shattered the bones around it; my ribs, and maybe my sternum, or my collar, and though it left my heart vulnerable i built it a new cage of solitude and gave my bones the chance to hear. i am finally ready again.


He and I. When words run dry, he does not try, nor do i. We are on par. He just is, I just am, and we just are.