Where did life go? Why did it run away? And why does everything have to change? I feel like i'm falling apart peice by peice and at the same time i'm trying to pick the peices up, but as i pick one up, another one falls. I can't keep up. I'm standing here at the beginning of the race of life and they shoot the gun to start but i am being pulled back as everyone else in my life runs full speed ahead farther, and farther until i can't hear or see them anymore. There are days i wish i wasn't me. I don't know who i would be, but someone who isn't in so much pain. If something happened to me, i feel the only people who would care is my family. I have no real friends anymore. They don't make an effort to talk to me anymore so my guess is they don't really care. Ofcourse, i didn't have the perfect life before either. It wasn't really that great either but i wouldn't have given it up for anything. They youth group, my second family, has forgotten me. They go day to day like nothing has changed, and in their mind it hasn't, people come and go. But i thought i meant more to them. Your friends sit there and tell you they will miss you so much and crying.. and then you never hear from them. They just let you walk away. I wish someone would stop me from walking cause my legs are getting tired, and so is my heart. I can't take the hurt and tears anymore. Maybe if someone understood, or got me, it would be easier. Nobody cares though. They are too busy, caught up in their own lives to notice when i pass by. They think i'm just another girl going about my day. What they don't know is that i'm trudging along. trying so hard to keep going. i just want to lay down. What if i did? Would someome pick me up? I might look good on the outside, but that's because i'm under a cover. it's blocking the appearance underneath that is a beaten up mess, a dying soul, a shattered heart, and tired eyes. But i will keep it covered for as long as i can. But holes are forming in my cover. Things are peircing and poking holes in it. and it is something tape can't fix. I wish i could just sleep because in my dream life, things are the way i want them, and everyone is there. but i know with sleep, comes the time to wake up, like someone shakes you back into reality. I sometimes i wish i would have never met any of those people. It doesn't seem like it mattered to them anyway. It's easier to have never felt the happiness then to go through the torture when it ends. I live with scars on my heart, that i feel everyone can see. They are nothing compared to the pain that put them there.
--------I have contemplated putting this on here. I wrote this right after school started, when i was at my weakest and hurting the most. Under my cover i am slowly healing and am able to take parts of it off. things have gotten better and life is getting easier.
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