Here comes the pain

-- Sometimes i wish i could just be a little kid again. So when life gets tough you can just play pretend. I wanna go back to when santa did exist. When my daddy was the only boy i ever kissed. When Disney was the best place to be.When the only movies I could see were rated G. When my biggest problem was learning to write my name and people didn't change....and my friends were the same. And everytime i was sad or i had a bad day, i could just run to mommy and it would all be okay. I wanna go back to no hurt... and no pain....just laughter. When everyone always lives... happily ever after
--When i cry at night, the only thing I can think to myself is... how can i seem so perfectly fine in the morning.... Why do i smile like nothing's wrong. and how does not one single person notice that i'm not okay.
-- I don't know what i want in life. I don't know what i want right now. All i know is that i'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any more of me left. Everything that ever causes a tear to trickle down my cheeks, i run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding it's way back towards me. And i don't know what to do. I just know the pain i felt so long ago, it's hurting ten times more
-- I'm not saying I have nothing. I'm not saying i'm gone completley. It's just sometimes it's all a bit too much to handle. Sometimes i feel it's too much. I'm not going to do anything stupid because i know it will get better. it has to right? otherwise there wouldn't be anyone who would live past their teenage years. but for now, just for now, it hurts.