He's like a drug...and i'm addicted. All we spent was one night and i need to seem him, and feel him, and hear him again. I live that night over and over again in my head like it's a movie. I can see his eyes like i'm standing there staring into them again. He made me re-live my favorite but most painful memory of us (titanic), but the moment he did it was like he took all the pieces of my heart that have been shattered and spread out for so long and put them back together. It immediatly took all the pain away. When he wraped his arms around me i could feel them wrapping around my heart, like he was gonna hold it together. In the past months, i've cried so many tears of hurt, and pain. There were mornings when i didn't think i could get out of bed. There were times when i could no longer stand because i had lost the will, given up the fight, and all the emotions just ran out. There were nights when i kept myself awake because i knew the moment i fell asleep, he would be there, and i couldn't take it. But in that moment, none of it mattered. It stung when he pulled away. I literally had to contain myself from showing my true emotions. In that moment, i again felt like crying. Not hurt and sad tears, but tears that i'm not hurting anymore. Tears of knowing that this place, here in his arms, is where i belong. Anywhere else, i feel lost or like i'm missing something. He forever holds a piece of my heart and when he's gone i feel the hole of where that piece fits. But when i'm with him my heart feels like it's radiating, because for a brief time, it is whole again. I feel as though no matter how mych pain he might cause me in the future, i still wanna be with him. Because he is soo worth it. I can see myself married to him. He's the one i want waiting at the end of the isle. I can see us raising a family, and him being the father of my children. People can say i just see what i wanna see in him, but i know it's not true. I see him, all of him, and he is the only person that knows the real me. Maybe, it is true that right now i'm on this "high" I'm as happy as ever, and i feel as nothing can bring me down. For the first time i feel so needy and frustrated, like i need him here with me now. I know at some point the pain will start settling in as the band-aid that he placed over my heart that night will start to fall off again and the pieces of my heart will start to fall apart again. one by one. I'll yearn for him again, and the tears will become more frequent. The nights will become harder, the showers will become longer, and getting out of bed...nearly impossible. But i'll suffer through, till he can put me back together again. I could say that i get used to the pain, but i wish i did. I know that i'll love him forever, and some day, i won't have to go through this routine of pain and healing. One day, we won't have to hide. One day we won't just be another Romeo and Juliet. I just hope my heart is still fixable by then.
This is about "my jack"
by, "His rose"
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